It is generally accepted that a person with the education of a psychologist or sociologist sees through other people. It is enough to throw one glance at your interlocutor, and all his ins and outs: character traits, habits, strengths and weaknesses, and maybe even a biography right up to the time of the appearance of Christianity in Russia, immediately surface. Maybe from the outside it sounds funny, but this is exactly what the majority of ordinary people think, and if not the majority, then the part that knows nothing about psychology. We will talk about these misconceptions a little later. Now we are starting a new series of articles on bowandtie.ru, which deals with psychology, in particular, we will consider the language of human facial expressions and gestures.
A psychologist is not a psychic magician. A high-quality psychologist, first of all, is a doctor, not a surgeon, and certainly not a magician. However, there is some truth in every joke, and our case is no exception. The truth is that a professional psychologist knows how to observe the postures and gestures of people and draw certain conclusions based on these observations. This is necessary to obtain additional information about the recipient. By the way, these skills are useful not only in the field of psychology, but also in everyday life (negotiation, business, etc.).
A psychologist is not a psychic magician, but a healer.
How exactly can the ability to recognize and interpret gestures and body movements be useful? First, it will be much easier for you to make new acquaintances. Secondly, in the case of business communication, it will be easier for you to come to an agreement with the interlocutor, find a common language and facilitate the path to a certain compromise. This is just the tip of the iceberg, but to delve deeper and appreciate the full scale of the benefits, you need to work on yourself, develop in this area and train your attention. In this article, we will analyze only the smallest part of all possible: distance, handshake, gaze and manipulation with a cigarette / glasses.
Communication distance
We all have probably heard about such a term as 'personal space'. It reflects the fact that each person has a certain comfort zone, the presence of strangers in which causes him negative emotions. It is easy to conclude that the closer (physically) a person is to you, the better his attitude towards you. Unconscious shortening of the distance, which makes the interlocutor comfortable in your company, and he feels some sympathy for you. Accordingly, if he tries to maintain his distance and pulls away during your attempts to close it, this means that at the moment he is not ready for rapprochement.
Communication distance
First, do not take this information in an extreme form. Reducing the distance should be easy and imperceptible, moreover, it should be within the bounds of decency. You should not force events and 'burst' into a person's personal space. This can cause a sharp negative reaction, perceive your movements as a threat, and close to further contact. It is also worth remembering that there are personality traits such as introverts (unsociable and withdrawn, self-oriented) and extroverts (sociable and open, society-oriented). For the first, personal space can cover a much larger radius, and for the second, accordingly, a smaller one. Consider this, try to be casual, tactful and unobtrusive.
Handshake
The palms are able to quite eloquently demonstrate the sincerity of a person or tell about his intentions, but in this article we will analyze only cases of their participation in the traditional male greeting. If you first met a person and greet each other with a handshake, then it can carry one of three meanings: superiority, humility and equality.
Types of handshakes
- During a domineering handshake, your interlocutor's hand will grab yours so that his palm is turned down.
- In the second case, the situation will be the opposite, the interlocutor's palm will be facing up. This may mean that he wants to transfer the initiative to you or surrender to your will in any matter.
- An equal handshake is a classic handshake in which the palms are in the same position.
- Handshakes with a crunch in the fingers, as well as with the help of an unbent straight arm, are signs of a person's aggressiveness.
- Shaking the fingertips (not fully completed handshake) speaks of uncertainty and a desire to keep the recipient at a convenient distance.
Handshake tips
Have you encountered a case of domineering handshake, but don't want to be led by your opponent? When you see a hand outstretched to you, the palm of which is facing down, do the following. Grasp her wrist and shake it vigorously. This will make you master of the situation.
Handshake tips
If you entered the recipient's office, for example, into the office, without an invitation or prior agreement, then you should not be the first to offer a handshake, this can have a detrimental effect on the matter, since the person may not be happy with your visit. You shouldn't force him to do what he doesn't want. Wait until he reaches out to you by himself, or do without this ritual at all.
These are not all types of handshakes, but only the most common ones. Later we will publish a full article on the rules of the handshake. Stay tuned for new articles.
Look at the interlocutor
Real communication can be arranged only if you communicate with the interlocutor 'face to face'. At the same time, with some people you may feel quite comfortable, while with others you will feel distrust and inconvenience. It depends on the duration and nature of the gaze, as well as on how long the person can hold your gaze.
Look at the interlocutor
If the person is not sincere with you, your views will rarely intersect during the dialogue. If your views intersect more than two-thirds of the total communication time, then this means one of two things:
- the interlocutor finds you attractive or shows some other interest in you (pupils are dilated);
- the interlocutor is hostile and sends you a kind of challenge (pupils are constricted).
To win over the interlocutor, your views should meet, approximately, 60-70% of the entire duration of the dialogue. During important negotiations, you should not wear sunglasses, which will create a point-blank effect.
Smoking and glasses
Almost all aids a person uses can help understand his train of thought. There are a lot of similar things, but in this case we will consider only cigarettes and glasses.
Smoking is a way to suppress internal tension
Smoking is a kind of suppression of internal tension and it can also be interpreted. Often, if a person lights a cigarette during a business dialogue, this means that he wants to play for time before making a decision. Waving a cigarette, twisting it and other gestures indicate that a person is experiencing more stress than usual. It is also important where the smoker exhales the smoke. The direction symbolizes his attitude to the prevailing circumstances. A positive and confident person will blow smoke upward, and a secretive and suspicious person – downward. Blowing smoke down from the corner of the mouth symbolizes an even greater negative attitude. Blowing through the nostrils is a sign of an arrogant person.
If a person constantly, with a kind of manic zeal, shakes off the ash from the end of the cigarette, this indicates his difficult internal state. If a person lit a cigarette and almost immediately extinguished it, this may mean his desire to end the dialogue. In this case, it will be appropriate to bring the conversation to an end yourself, as if it were your idea.
It is believed that a person puts objects in his mouth when he wants to experience the feeling of security that accompanies babies while sucking the mother's breast. This rule applies to both glasses and cigarettes.
If a person is required to make a certain choice, sucking the bow, wiping the lenses, as well as constantly removing and putting on glasses can symbolize that he is playing for time, or has not yet come to a final decision. In this case, it is worth waiting, giving the interlocutor a chance to think. Playing with glasses and then putting them aside symbolizes the intention to end the conversation.
Finally
And so, we went through several points in the interpretation of the interlocutor's gestures, but this, as I wrote above, is only a tiny part of the knowledge that modern psychologists and sociologists have. In the future, we will go even deeper into the language of facial expressions and gestures, but for today I say goodbye to you.
Save your time. All the best.
