Four Tips to Improve Your Communication Skills

Inexperienced people believe that it is impossible to develop communication skills. It is either given or not. But professional psychologists actively refute this stereotype. In fact, communication is a skill, just like dancing, playing music or cooking. And like any other skill, even an introvert can develop communication skills.

The Bowandtie editorial team talks about what communication skills are, how it differs from sociability, as well as techniques and exercises that will help develop this skill.

Don't confuse sociability and sociability

Sociability is about talking. There are people who just love to communicate. For some, it is enough to be listened to as a background. Sociability is about building two-way connections between the interlocutors or the speaker and his audience. A sociable person is not always a communicator.

Steve Jobs is an outgoing man who has inspired his employees to strive for the perfect hardware product. A conditional secretary A tick from your office is just a sociable person with whom it is pleasant to exchange a word while waiting for the boss.

Communication is about building connections

Thus, sociability is a set of skills for meaningful communication with others for some purpose (to complete a project, form a team, etc.), and not a character trait. Even people who do not feel the need for minimal communication can learn communication techniques.

Tip # 1 – how to use 'body language' (non-verbal communication)

Non-verbal communication accounts for 55% of how the speaker is perceived, which means that most of what the speaker says is transmitted not through words, but through physical signals.

There are many techniques and forms of non-verbal communication. For the development of communication skills, this topic should be studied in detail. The Bowandtie editors provide some simple tricks that will take effect right away.

Get in the right posture

Don't slouch – this makes you visually and subconsciously smaller than you are. Keep your back straight and your shoulders straight. Do not cross your legs (for example, cross-legged) and arms (for example, over your chest). A closed pose not only creates blocks in communication, but is not always appropriate, and sometimes disrespectful to the interlocutor.

Do not cross your legs, arms, fingers – closed posture creates barriers to communication

Maintain a relaxed and welcoming posture. Tension can be interpreted in different ways, but always negatively. For example, as self-doubt. Get rid of the habits of touching your hair, fidgeting in a chair, and twisting a pen or mobile phone in your hands.

Maintain eye contact when the other person is speaking

Eye contact shows interest in the other person's words. If you cannot look directly into the eyes (for example, you experience internal discomfort, or the interlocutor wears glasses), you should look at the bridge of the nose (the upper part of the nose adjacent to the forehead). This will create an eye-to-eye illusion.

Try to maintain eye contact even when moving. Turning your back and back of your head to the interlocutor is already bad form, and in the case of a tense or important conversation, this will be interpreted as a sign of disagreement, neglect, or readiness for conflict.

Eye contact helps build connections

Don't squint or open your eyes too wide to try to 'play' the emotion. Such facial expressions are appropriate for real feelings, however, an attempt to fake them will be read and interpreted not in your favor. At best, you will be considered insincere, and this will not benefit your sociability.

Tip # 2 – how to put a voice and improve pronunciation

With the help of tone, we are able to convey to the interlocutor a wide range of emotions: fear, love, concern and anger, positive and negative emotions. But only if the interlocutor understands what is at stake.

The voice should not sound loud or quiet. The favorite techniques of leaders – speaking quietly so that subordinates listen attentively, or loudly, demonstrating authority – are effective, but suitable only for those who are used to commanding, not communicating. If the speaker is not a leader, a low or loud voice will be interpreted as self-doubt or nervousness.

Monitor your pronunciation and eliminate obvious speech defects. Avoid unnecessary pauses, which can lead the other person to think that you are slowly thinking or trying to present yourself as more serious and significant than you really are. Avoid parasitic words such as 'uh-um', 'um', 'shorter', 'like', 'like' and their equivalents. The elimination of unnecessary interjections instantly decorates the speech, making it more pleasant for the interlocutor.

Voice for communication – sonorous, unhurried, clear, without defects

There are many methods to put a voice for communication – sonorous, leisurely, clear, without defects. Here is some of them.

Exercise # 1 – voice training

Read aloud and expressively a passage of text, for example, from bowandtie.ru, and record it on a recorder. Play the recording, listen to the voice. Write down or mark in your mind any defects identified that do not fit into the concept of 'sonorous, unhurried, clear'. Read the same text again, then repeat the previous steps.

After you find the voice sound satisfying, move on to a different, longer or more emotionally charged text. Repeat the previous steps.

Exercise # 2 – removing psychological 'blocks'

If the voice is quiet due to self-doubt and inner tightness, a recipe for eloquence from the ancient Greek philosopher Diogenes will help – “to talk with the waves on the shore or with a statue.”

In our case, it can be reading a text or singing a song in a very loud voice of a photo. Loud – to overcome the barriers of a quiet voice. In real conversation, a loud voice, as mentioned above, should not be used.

Gesturing will help to liberate

Some people liberate themselves through gestures. You should not give up the habit that helps to relieve the 'tightness', think and speak more clearly and confidently.

Exercise # 3 – Speech Clarity

It is good practice to work on the clarity of speech by pronouncing words loudly, but in a whisper. The idea is that if the speech is heard and understood, even if you whisper, it will be understood when speaking out loud. To audit speech, you can invite a friend or use the proven method of recording on a dictaphone.

If, during the exercise, the fact of 'swallowing' sounds is detected, the reception of speech therapists will help. Put a few nuts (for example, hazelnuts) or a teaspoon in your mouth and recite verses, pronounce tongue twisters. The obstruction in the mouth will make it difficult to speak, and when it disappears, the pronunciation will become clearer.

Tip # 3 – how to learn not only to support, but also to initiate conversations

Initiation of a conversation is the basis of communicative communication. Being able to start a conversation means being able to take the initiative into your own hands, and not waiting for someone to come up to you and start talking. If the latter happens systematically, it will not go unnoticed and can be interpreted as passivity, cowardice or arrogance. Such an image will not be useful for building connections.

The main problem when initiating a conversation is your own complexes or the lack of a common topic for conversation with the interlocutor. A simple but effective cliché will help, with which you can appeal to both friends and colleagues. One such cliché is the question 'How are you?'

The ability to start a conversation is one of the key

Its advantage is that even in the case of a dry answer 'Normal', in most cases a similar counter-question will follow, which should be answered in detail. Avoid dryness, but speak simply, without complicated phrases. Remember that Lincoln's legendary Gettysburg speech was 272 words long and only lasted about two minutes.

To engage the person in dialogue, ask questions. It can also help you avoid awkward pauses in conversation. React to the other person's thoughts. If you support his point of view, agree. If you do not support, first point out what you agree on, and only then indicate where you think he is wrong. This will allow you to place the interlocutor towards you.

And here is a trick to prepare in advance for a conversation. When lawyers present a case to the US Supreme Court, they pre-record a number of topics they intend to discuss, but do not memorize word for word, but improvise.This method of communication allows lawyers presenting a case to cover all points, but remain flexible in communication based on reactions audience.

Tip # 4 – not only talk, but listen

Earlier we said that you should not confuse sociability and sociability. It is enough for a sociable person to listen to him. A communicative person prefers to listen to himself. Listening is understanding not only words, but also emotions, non-verbal communication.

A communicative person should be able to listen

If you find yourself unable to focus on the conversation (for example, due to tiredness or boredom), mentally repeating the words of the interlocutor will help. It will also mislead the speaker, who cannot read in the face that your thoughts are far away.

Don't interrupt. If the dialogue requires feedback, speak only after the other person is silent. Avoid phrases like 'I would have your problems. Here I have … 'if the dialogue does not mean it. Such a phrase belittles the problems of the interlocutor, which does not contribute to building a connection.

How to improve communication skills – briefly about the main thing

To develop communication skills in oneself will help:

• study and application in practice of non-verbal communication;
• staging impeccable diction and voice;
• the skill of initiating conversations;
• ability to listen and hear.

Don't forget to use non-verbal cues. Listen carefully to what others are saying. Communicate simply and kindly, give up feigned feelings and attempts to create an image of a person who you are not.